Slumber Party Surprised
by Orson Washington
Summary: Sibling rivalry is spiced up with witchcraft


"Slumber Party Surprise" or: "'Hands, Organs, Dimensions, Senses, Affections,  
  
Passions.'"  
  
"I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?" ~~William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice, Act III, sc. 1.  
  
"Now it is clear that man is principally the mind of man." ~~ Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, I-II, 29, 4.  
  
"The body is the instrument of the mind and the foundation of character." ~~Dr. Boyd K. Packer.  
  
"No matter where you go, there you are." ~~Dr. Buckaroo Banzai.  
  
"Suicide is just a change of scenery." ~~Dr. Truman G. Madsen  
  
"I am what I am, and that's all that I am." ~~Popeye the Sailor.  
  
I.  
  
My sister is a witch. No, not that: you didn't hear me correctly-a witch with a "W." I'm not sure what drove her into it. She's my older sister, and a math whiz, and she understands science pretty well. Heck, she won the science fair four years in the role, the nerd. I guess she wanted more out of life, so she got into witchcraft. Now all of her girlfriends are into it, which is where I come in.  
  
With my parents in Paris f for a week, she decided to have a slumber party at our cabin. But with all of her planning, she forgot to get gas for the generator. So guess who got volunteered to bring it up? I didn't mind doing this, since Gloria pretty hot. Really bright eyes. You didn't understand me correctly. I didn't mean that, but the eyeballs in her head. They are a light brown that perfectly matches her hair color. I'd swear she wore contacts.  
  
So I pulled up with the gas tanks in the bed of my truck, and filled up the generator just and the sun finally set. Should I go into the cabin, or will they be examining each other noses or something? Why not? I'm thirsty, and I could get something to drink. I think I withstand one makeover or facial, if Gloria was doing it to me. You know what I mean.  
  
I turn the doorknob, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Were they naked? The first thing I saw was a cloud of incense that burns my eyes. I rubbed them, but I did enjoy the smell of incense. It's just the haze that bugged me. I squinted since all of the lights were out, and it looked like they had candles lighting the place, which is dumb since the cabin could burn.  
  
Once it cleared, I couldn't believe what I saw. All the furniture was pushed up against one wall, and there were two circles drawn on the floor, mad with a bluish powder. One was a pentagram, with candles at each of the five points, and the other was a triangle in a circle, also with candles at each point.  
  
"So what you doing? Having a séance?"  
  
My sister, who was in the pentagram, stopped mumbling and looked up from the book she was reading.  
  
"Shut up. I'm casting a spell."  
  
I looked at triangle. Gloria was standing in the center, but she was blindfolded, and had a rope wrapped around her thirteen times. She was standing at attention, and had a blank look on what I saw of her face.  
  
I shut up. If I screw up their little séance, I probably wont get anything to drink. I sniffed my coat sleeve where I spilled some of the gas. It had evaporated, but the fumes still stay in the clothes. Would I need to use Shout or something? I can check it out on the Internet when I get back.  
  
My sister went back to reading out of the book. I wonder what type of spell she is casting. I've seen her cast a couple of spells before, but I've never been sure if she is speaking Latin, or some other weird Babylonian language. I should recognize Latin from my two years of Spanish in high school.  
  
I jumped back when my sister let out a scream. What a weird religion! She looked at the short, ugly girl, who wore a black robe like my sister, and the short girl came up and pricked my sister's finger. It was gross to see her let three drops of blood on a parchment. She went up to Gloria, whose hands were tied behind her back, and pricked her finger and got more blood on the parchment.  
  
I got a quick look at the paper and it looked like there was a poem or a list on the paper. This is really weird. I wonder if anything will actually happen, or if it is just psychosomatic.  
  
I looked at my sister who went back to mumbling out of her spell book. So now what? Is it over? I noticed that I began to feel very cold, especially in my heart. Not like to cold on Christmas Day, but a different type of cold that keeps you up at night worrying if your car has been stolen.  
  
My sister let out a gasp, and then I noticed she was staring at Gloria, so I followed her eyes.  
  
Gloria was still standing there in the center of the triangle, still tied up, but it looked like her clothes were sagging on her.  
  
"Untie her." My sister said with a metallic edge to her voice. Now that I think about it, it almost didn't sound like her. The tall girl (come on, I can't keep track of my sister's girlfriends) went up to the circle and unwound the rope from around Gloria. The short, ugly girl went up to her and held a mirror in front of her face as Gloria lifted up the blindfold.  
  
"It really worked." She said.  
  
I took another look at her, and I think I know what she was talking about. Keep in mind that the cabin was dark, and the smell was getting to me, like when you walk by a perfume counter and you have fourteen different smells of perfume mixing together so all the good smell gets cancelled out.  
  
What had happened to her was that she had become thinner. In fact her pants began to slide down her hips a bit, and she made a quick grab for the jeans before they got too far. Her face was also different. It was definitely her face, but it looked like it had been touched up. Her lips were thicker, and her eyes looked, well, looked a bit more penetrating. OK, I mean they looked absolutely seductive, like she had permanent eye shadow on, and hungry stare in her eyes. I guess it is like these plastic surgery before and after pictures.  
  
"I'm perfect now!" she giggled as she stared at herself in the mirror. She kept gazing into the glass as if she had become another person, which may not be far off. This magic stuff is for real, I guess.  
  
The tall girl began reading off of the parchment. "Sexier eyes, more hair, and no thunder thighs. It's all on you now, hottie." She said.  
  
I don't get this hottie thing. Are all girls covert lesbians? Or are they just being polite or something? If I were to call a girl a hottie, she'd be all over me with these feminist slogans about me being some sort of a pig. Who can really understands girls. I wonder if even God understands women.  
  
The short girl went over to the table and picked up the camera, and gets off a couple of shots. Now she's doing the beauty pageant thing around the room. OK, so you develop all of this sex appeal and charm, but you become frigid when I talk with you? What's up with that?  
  
"So what was that?" I said, trying to be as nonchalant as I could.  
  
"A beauty spell." She said, with a little huff in her voice.  
  
"OK. I put gas in the generator."  
  
"You know that we could cast the spell on you." Said Gloria, "A handsomeness spell to make you stronger."  
  
So does she think I'm a weakling?  
  
"Come one," said the ugly girl whose name I wish I didn't know. "It'll be fun. You can become whatever you want to be."  
  
I rolled my eyes. I guess this is the witch's equivalent of doing facials on each other. We're pretty much isolated up here, so Troy won't come barreling in on us. And it shouldn't hurt to have it done once. But I guess the real question is how much food I can get out of it.  
  
"Sure." Finally sighed. I felt a cold pain in my stomach as I said the answer. That car-theft felling I felt earlier. Must be the incense or the hunger getting to me.  
  
"So I need to write down what I want to turn into on a paper." I asked as I put on the back robe.  
  
"No, that is just for the beauty spell. For the handsomeness spell, you just imagine what you want." Said my sister. "But you need to be really focused."  
  
"Now I need thirteen drops of blood from your left hand." She said, and she came forward with a vial. I saw that the label said "Aqua Salmacis." Aqua is water, but what is Salmacis? She took the stopper out, and pricked my finger and massaged thirteen drops of blood out of my poor finger. This was kind of dumb on my part since I could get herpes or aids from all of this bloodletting.  
  
She took the same needle and reopened the prick in her own finger and let thirteen drops of blood into the water. She probably will pass out during the spell from all of the blood leaving her body.  
  
"You're going to have to drink this." She said holding up the vial.  
  
This has gone a little too far. So witchcraft is essentially cannibalistic. Is it really worth it to drink my sister's own blood to become handsome? Shish! It's my own sister. This is sort of like incest in a way.  
  
"I ain't Dracula. I'll get lockjaw from drinking your blood."  
  
"No! The power is in blood. You need to have both the male and the female powers to be balanced. You know, the yin and the yang. It's the only way the spell will work."  
  
You know, I'm going to look back on this and think what an idiot I was for doing this.  
  
"Step into the circle." My sister ordered. She does that a lot.  
  
The tall girl blindfolded me, and I felt the rope being wound around me thirteen times, and my hands behind my back. You know, when you're blindfolded you are so vulnerable. Add to that I was hog-tied around my arms. To be honest, I didn't feel quite safe, especially in a cabin full of girls. Who knows what do to me in this state. Come on, you know what I'm talking about.  
  
My sister began to chant. I really started to feel fear. In fact my stomach began to tremble now. This wasn't the fear you get from a roller coaster, or even that earlier fear I felt when I first came into the room. This fear was deeper. I felt my entire soul shake as I stood there in the triangle. I got to stop this. This isn't right, even in fun.  
  
My sister stopped chanting. That is odd. Just as I thought that, she stopped chanting. I guess she can see me shake.  
  
"It is time to drink." She said in a flat voice, the kind you see in bad movies.  
  
I felt the vial being pressed to my lips. If the numerousness wasn't bad enough, the idea of drinking my sister's blood was really making me sweat. Be honest-this is like drinking a scab milkshake.  
  
"Drink." She said again. Judging from the sound, she was in the pentagram, and it was probably the tall girl with the vial.  
  
I'm a weenie and I gave in to peer pressure. I opened my mouth and felt the warm liquid pour down my throat. It was like being a baby again. I choked a bit, but kept my cool. After all, Gloria was watching.  
  
I felt my stomach churn, and then my mouth began to salivate. So I'm now going to vomit in the middle of the spell. In front of Gloria? I began to breathe deeper, and swallow hard.  
  
My sister then said in the weird flat tones she was using in the spell casting, "Now for the picture."  
  
I heard a rustle of paper, then a prick on my right hand index finger, then the pager wiped along my finger. Then quiet again. Remember I was blindfolded, and only could go by what I heard. I heard the rustle of robes from where my sister's voice came from, then some laughing.  
  
I started to shift the rope around on my shoulders. This has got to stop. I swallowed again, but before I could speak my sister began muttering again. I jumped when I heard a loud thunderclap, and then I felt a tingling up and down my body. It was like my entire body was asleep. Even my eyes and tongue felt tingly.  
  
"Now what? Is it over?" I said, but I didn't recognize my voice. But I don't think it was just that that threw me off. I felt my clothes sag all over my body, and the rope slid down my arms. I squirmed a bit, and then reached up for the blindfold.  
  
I head some gasps and giggles from the girls as I took the blind off. "It worked perfectly." My sister said, smiling.  
  
"What's going on?" I said again, with that odd voice. I coughed to loosen up my voice, and then shook the last of the rope off of my arms. Everything looked taller, including my sister. So I guess I was shorter. Did they turn me into a midget or a twelve-year old?  
  
"Hold still." Said the short girl, and she snapped a picture. I winced at the flash, since the room was quite dark.  
  
"Here you go, honey," Gloria said as she held up the mirror. She seemed taller. It is funny how someone looks different when you se them eye to eye as opposed to looking down on him or her. "You look absolutely perfect." She added.  
  
I looked into the mirror. I bet you're wondering what I saw. I'm still wondering exactly what I saw. Instead of my reflection, I saw the very shocked face of that actress Katreena Hansen.  
  
"What? You said that . . . ?" I stopped talking, since I think I was hyperventilating, and it was just to weird to hear her voice come out of my mouth, speaking the thoughts I was thinking. I guess you wouldn't understand if it happened to you.  
  
"You look so lovely. You'll make a wonderful sister." She said, laughing, and the short girl took another picture.  
  
I picked up the rope and my gassy smelling jacket and handed them to my sister, then took the mirror from Gloria, and kept staring into it. Her eyes matched up with what I was telling my eyes to do. I looked ay my hand, and saw how it was tinier. I looked back into the mirror, and stared at that face. My new face. But it was her face looking back at me.  
  
"So what did you do to me?"  
  
My sister tittered, then finally confessed, "Don't worry. We can change you back. You make a really sexy woman."  
  
I cocked one eyebrow, and looked right at my sister. She set her spell book and my jacket down by one of the burning candles, then went over to the bottom pint of the pentagram and picked up a piece of paper.  
  
Well, it was really a picture torn from a glossy magazine, which has a still from Katreena Hansen's latest picture, underneath two crisscrosses of dried blood. Except that I was in the picture where she should have been. My body, my real body was in the picture there.  
  
"Your ikon, the image of your body, is stored in this picture. As long as this picture is alright, then your body will be fine."  
  
"Well, put it someplace safe." I said. I really wasn't thinking correctly, since I should have made her change me back that instant. But if you have ever been turned into someone else, then you'll understand where I'm coming from.  
  
She gave me a shut up look, then bent over, and slid the picture into the spell book. "Safest place in the world." She said with an annoying cutesy- wutsy tone in her voice.  
  
"Judas Priest." I shook my head, and felt a bunch of loose hair, and then looked down. I won't tell you what I saw there. You can figure it out. It just looks odd when you are used to thinner hips, and a barrel-chest.  
  
I looked back at my sister. "So, is this supposed to be a joke?" I said flatly. It sounded funny with such a high voice.  
  
My sister just cocked her head, and laughed. "Come on. It'll be fun. We can give you a facial. Then we can play bride."  
  
"Judas Priest!" I said, shaking my head again, and getting a face full of hair again.  
  
OK. So they changed me into Katreena Hansen. I'm in their power, and I need to play ball if I want to be myself again. The question is how best to play my cards so they get their sadistic fun, and I can become me again.  
  
I looked up just in time to see a flash pop again. It startled me so much that I dropped the mirror.  
  
"Seven years bad luck." The short girl said.  
  
I turned and glared at her. "Like my bad luck hasn't started already." Is sighed, and then looked down at the broken glass. But it wasn't the broken glass that caught my eye.  
  
"The spell book is on fire!" I shouted. A real manly shout. My jacket with the gas on it was burning, and it had ignited the spell book and the back robe.  
  
You can't imagine the racket that four girls can make as they run around in a burning building. I do not wish to relive anything like that ever again.  
  
I bent over to get the book, but my feet had shank to Kareena Hansen's size feet, and they slid in my tennis shoes, so I tripped.  
  
By the floor can be hard at time, plus all of the bluish power that made the triangle was kicked up into my face and I inhaled it. It sent me in to a coughing fit. I tried to pus the book aside, but the coughing watered up my eyes.  
  
I looked up in time to see the ugly girl pour a two-liter coke bottle on the burning spell book. I guess it put out the fire, but it also made my face very sticky.  
  
"It's ruined." Whined my sister.  
  
She was right, but what was she crying about?  
  
I rolled over, and wiped the coke and the powder out of my face. "What about the picture?" I finally said in an almost yell. These vocal cords take a while to get used to.  
  
She held up what was left of the book. The top cover and first part of the book were burnt up, and most of the spine had melted jacket on the cover.  
  
"The picture was in the back. It's safe."  
  
I looked up at her. "So can you change me back?" I felt my heart begin to beat rapidly, and a weird throbbing all over my body. I guess woman's emotions came with a woman's body. They can be quite overpowering.  
  
"Your brother doesn't look good." Said Gloria.  
  
"I s that supposed to be a joke." I said absently. My head was beginning to spin. I shook my head to clear it up, but it didn't look good.  
  
"I think he's-she's going into shock." Said Gloria.  
  
I can't remember much, but I do remember feeling very cold, and my arms began to shake.  
  
The short girl and Gloria bent down and helped me to my feet, then led me over to a sleeping back. I obediently lay down, and vaguely remember them lifting my feet up to get the blood to my brain.  
  
"So am I stuck as Kareena Hansen for the rest of my life?" I can't remember if I thought it, or said it. It didn't matter since I passed out rather quickly. I just remember feeling very cold.  
  
II  
  
OK, OK, so I admit that it was a mean joke to play on my brother. But it's a joke, right? Besides, being a woman might be an improvement. I'm a woman and I turned out fine. Besides, any man who can get away from his "you-know-what" should take the chance. And if he can't take a harmless little joke, then he deserves to have things like this to happen to them.  
  
He looks so cute now. We could curl his hair, and maybe give him a flip. And of course a facial and a nail job. But we can do all of that after I get another spell book. Ray's Magic and Occult shop keeps a lot of these in stock. But my brother doesn't know that, so I can have some more fun. And our parents won't be back until the end of the week, and it's not like he's going to tell them what we did to him, now is he?  
  
I have to admit it is kind of funny to see him look like Katreena Hansen. Not just having to be a woman, and all the important lessons that would teach him, but just him looking like someone so sexy. It makes me wish I had cast the spell on myself. Maybe later I can do that after I move out. College here I come, out from underneath everyone's thumb.  
  
The next morning, Jamie came up to me, and looked a little nervous. Her nose was twitching. Weird, huh?  
  
"So how long are you going to keep him like that?"  
  
I smiled. "We can get another copy of the spell book at Ray's, and change him back anytime. But what's the hurry?"  
  
She looked down. "It's just, well, that it would be funny at first, but we're just being mean to him. He's sick, and in shock, and fainted."  
  
I took her hand, and then looked into her eyes. "He'll be fine. You survived seventeen years as a woman, and turned out fine. He can last a week or so. Besides. This will teach him to treat ladies nice, or else."  
  
She really didn't seem convinced, but oh well. It looks like my brother is waking up from sleep. Probably smells breakfast. Wow. He has the suicide bed-head!  
  
III  
  
When I opened my eyes, I just saw hair. I inhaled, the exhaled, and finally everything came back to me. The spell. The book burning. Katreena Hansen.  
  
This is a random thought, but I wonder how cave men survived, since waking up is so hard. If a saber-tooth tiger came around at the right time, he'd get a free lunch. I don't think groggy or sleepy cave men could fight too well.  
  
I slid out of bed, and realized that my pants, I mean the men's pants that I had originally been wearing had slid off. Probably due to my thinner legs, except for the hips. I finally see what women are talking about. Then I stood up, and that old tee shirt I had been wearing just hung on my like a tent on a cornstalk.  
  
"Good morning, princess."  
  
I flashed a sour eye at my sister.  
  
"Did you dream about being pregnant?" she quickly added in that putrid "morning, sunshine"-voice that scoutmasters and camp counselors think is funny.  
  
"Um, I can't remember what I dreamed."  
  
I stood on the cold cabin floor, and let the cool concrete suck the heat out of my bare feet. It certainly woke me up. I reached down into the bag and fished for my pants. It is hard working these arms since they are so much shorter, and the hand a so tiny. Imagine being seven again, and you get the idea. Then again, some people are still seven years old. Or at least they act that way.  
  
"So when are you going to switch me back?"  
  
"I called up Ray's spell shop, and he said that they had the book back ordered. It would be in at the end of the week."  
  
My sister flashed a glance at someone. It was either Jamie or Gloria, who still looked sexy from her spell. So in fairy tales, isn't there a time limit on how long spells last? I wish I had paid better attention as a kid.  
  
"Ray said that it couldn't be sent quicker, since it is an obscure book."  
  
"Even with overnight express?"  
  
"Yeah. That's what he said. Besides it takes quite a while to bake these books. They need to have spell cast over them to protect the books."  
  
"Apparently they don't work to well, do they?" I said. I looked away, and eyed the table with eggs and pancakes. The tall girl was doing all of the cooking.  
  
"Gotcha." I said as I grabbed my pants. Nice and warm. I slid one leg in and fell over, losing my balance. You see I learned the hard way that women have a lower center of gravity. Men have it higher due to the chest and upper arms, while women have it lower all because of the hips and butt. It keeps pregnant women from falling over. But it is a real pain in the butt and every organ if you get shoved into the situation.  
  
"Obscure book. Five days. So I guess I'm stuck." I sighed and rolled on to my back. As I lay on my back, and slid both pant legs on, and then tightened the belt as far as it would go. They seemed to stay put, so I stood up again, and saw the short girl looking at me, like she was about to cry. OK, I do know her name is Jamie. End of story!  
  
"It's OK. We just need the spell book, and everything will be fine." she said.  
  
I stood up again, and walked over to the table. So you're probably curious about walking. It's not much different, except my hands kept hitting my hips. Correction: her hips that were inconveniently place on me. I walked slowly over to the table, getting used to the shorter stride. It was almost like learning how to walk all over again. My body wasn't the same. Is it like an amputee learning to walk with a crutch or a peg leg? I guess it's more like a growing baby, or when a teenager's body is growing and changing. That is why they get awkward, because it's almost like being in another body.  
  
I safely made it to the table, and grabbed a stack of flapjacks.  
  
"I guess I'll be heading home." It's summer, and there is no school, and I managed to swing a week off of work. So really, I didn't have any problems. I'm the happiest guy in the world right now.  
  
"So we can switch me back home. Right?"  
  
"Yeah. It's just that . . ." began the tall girl, but she stopped as my sister glared at her. "It's just that we need the pentagram on the floor to cast the spell right." She said, trailing off.  
  
You ever have that experience where you know something is wrong, but you don't realize it at the time?  
  
I felt full and looked at the plate. I had just eaten about one-third of the tall stack of pancakes. Guy! Katreena Hansen must be a total anorexic! Are supermodels fed intravenously?  
  
In any case, I'm so full I couldn't eat another bite. After last night's accident with the shoes, I decided to go barefoot. There wasn't too much for me to gather up, since I had just intended to drop the gas off and go back home. The diver's license, however, would be a problem. Everything was wrong with it. Even a dumb cop couldn't confuse us.  
  
I lifted the now heavy gas tanks and slid them into the beds. I fumbled with the seat and wrestled with the mirrors. The arms were so thin, and had no hair on them, so I looked like I was nine again, and they were a good four inches shorter. You know how it is.  
  
Well, I guess you don't, know do you? Unless it happened to you. Maybe I'm not alone.  
  
I looked in the rear-view mirror, and saw the short, ugly girl looking at me. She really wants to tell me something, but she ain't talking. So who says women are better communicators?  
  
IV  
  
This is going absolutely all wrong! These girls are so uptight with everything. I can switch him back once I get a new spell-book, which I can get anytime. Besides, he seems to be taking it well. Maybe later tonight we can dress him up as the prom queen, or play bride with him. He's really in no danger, so along as the picture is protected. Or he doesn't get pregnant. Then we have another soul to deal with, and even magic can't undo that.  
  
Well, we all got into a big honking argument. Gloria and I wanted to stay up here, but Jamie wanted to change my brother back as quickly as possible. Ellen didn't know what to do. So I decided to give in to crybaby Jamie, and we packed up.  
  
She'll never make a good witch being so soft. We witches have to deal with hard things, such as blood, spells, and even the dark demons. If she wants to be a "sugar and spice pantyhose queen," that is her choice, but she shouldn't come moaning back to me if we progress on to the next level of the craft, and she is left behind, all alone.  
  
She'll be left out of the circle of power. We witches deal with great power. We can do what need to be done. In fact, that is part of why I did what I did to my brother. If I could do it to him, I can do it to anyone else who gets in my way. That is what it's all about: great power to do the things that need to get done.  
  
So since everyone was all mad at me, we decided to pack up, and head home. On the way home, we stopped by Ray's Occult and picked up another spell book. I slid my brother's picture inside it for safekeeping. Nothing's going to happen to this copy. I'm not a mean person. If I were, I'd just rip up the picture right now. This is all just a joke, a harmless prank. Jamie acts like he doesn't deserve it, for all the things he has done. Nothing will happen to him, as long as the picture is OK.  
  
I dropped the girls off, taking Jamie last to make her wait, then pulled into the driveway. So . . . what should I do to him? Invite his little buddy Troy over, and then tell Troy that "my cousin" has a crush on him? We could get the girls over for a makeover on him. Except Jamie.  
  
I opened the door and saw him sitting in the La-Z-boy watching Star Trek. How appropriate! The La-Z-boy I mean. Then again he is such a space cadet, Star Trek is also good.  
  
Humph! So he is just sitting here watching TV and stuffing popcorn down his mouth. It is totally gross to watch him with a wad of popcorn, and then see his greasy hands and mouth on those lips.  
  
"So is that all you can do?  
  
He looked lazily up at me. I can't describe it accurately, since he looked like Katreena Hansen, but with my brother's mannerisms, and way of speaking. Probably from all of that Shakespeare he reads. He should get into e. e. cummings. "When will the book be in? Five days?" he finally sputtered.  
  
"You know, 'once on the lips, forever on the hips.'"  
  
"What?"  
  
"All of that food you are scarfing down will make you fat."  
  
He looked at me again, but it was her face. I almost had to convince myself that it was my brother inside of her. He shrugged, and then said blankly. "I'm hungry." He went back to watching the TV.  
  
"So, my body is in the picture you have. And Katreena Hansen isn't running around in my body."  
  
"No. She's still herself. You just switched your 'ikon' with the 'ikon' in the picture."  
  
"So there are two people who look like Katreena Hansen right now?"  
  
"Yup." I said. Wow. That popcorn sure smells good. I wonder if the food companies hire witches to cast spells on the food so we imagine that it tastes better. I have to look into it when I am initiated into the next ring.  
  
So is he just going to lie around the house all day? "You have this wonderful opportunity to live life as another person, to see things through another person's eyes, and you're watching TV?"  
  
My brother looked at me, shrugged, and then went back to watching TV. So he is such a freaking pig! He'll probably eat a whole pizza, and get a thunder butt. It'd serve him right, though. It's the law of the harvest, which is in the Bible.  
  
"My clothes don't fit me anymore." He finally said, going back to looking at TV.  
  
He did have a point. Sitting there is his old shirt and sweats, which hung on him like a tent on a cornstalk.  
  
"You can put my clothes on." I said. I wish I hadn't, though.  
  
"I tried your bra on. It was too small."  
  
"You know there is other stuff you can wear."  
  
He waved his hand at me. "After the TV show." he said," It's really speaking to me."  
  
I looked at the TV as he hit the volume.  
  
"Holy sheesh, T'pol, we've switched bodies." "Fascinating, Commander Tucker. The most logical thing for us to do is to have sex." "I don't know, T'Pol. I've already been pregnant once."  
  
V  
  
I looked from the TV. Actually, I was just trying to get my mind off of things. Look, in the past day, I have had my body amputated, went into shock, and, well, just everything that had happened to me. And taking a leak was a total shock.  
  
So let me tell you, it is quite unusual walking around. The body has a different feel to it-the hips and chest, as you would expect. There is another feeling, I can't quite describe. I guess it is the center of gravity has moved lower in this body, so, well I really can't describe well. I think it has to do will the wider hips. Speaking of hips, my hands kept on hitting my hips as I walked. How do ladies do it?  
  
The hair was another thing. When I left the cabin, I just shoved it under my cap, but now I really had to deal with it. Apparently Katreena kept it very clean and "trained," so I really didn't have to fuss all that much with the hair.  
  
By the way, I lied about the bra!  
  
Darn! This Star Trek episode is a "two parter." I shut off the TV, and finished another handful of popcorn. But my sister kept staring at me.  
  
I decided to stand up and stretched.  
  
"So?" I finally said.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"When does the book come in?"  
  
She rolled her eyes up, and finally exhaled the answer. "In five days. It's on special order."  
  
Hmm. Five days. Aside from really belching up my vacation, there is nothing really I could do that was all that different. Go to the library as a man. Go to the library as a woman, what's the dif? I think a man and a woman would see a movie in the same way. No I don't mean that the woman wouldn't cry during the kiss scene, but the experience in and of itself as a sensory experience would be the same. I mean not al the girls cry in the same way when DiCapprio died, even though most cried. But you see what I mean? Everyone in an individual, so I might experience things differently.  
  
"So what do you expect me to do?" I said, throwing the burden back on her. "Should I get married?"  
  
She let out a little shriek and rolled her eyes again. She does it quite well-due to a lot of practice.  
  
"I don't know. Get a life or something."  
  
Judas Priest! That is exactly what I had before she turned me into Katreena Hansen. So what's her damage? She messes up my life, and wants me to get a new one at the snap of the fingers? For crying out loud! I look like Katreena Hansen. What should I do? Sign autographs at the Veterans Building? I'd be on the news, and what would the real Katreena do when she saw me as her?  
  
Besides, what do I really know about her? I don't even know her birthday. What I should probably do is go to the 7-11 and get a teen beat magazine on her. I could check on the Internet, but I'd imagine that half of the sites have naked pictures of her.  
  
Well, my sister was just staring at me, and I stood there staring back.  
  
"Why are you so P.O-ed at me? You did this to me!"  
  
"If I had known you were going to be a pig, just laying around the house all day, I wouldn't have wasted my time. You realize that I put my own blood into the spell? My own blood to do this, and this is how you treat it! And all you are doing is eating and getting thunder thighs."  
  
I finally threw up my arms. "What is the point? I . . ."  
  
The doorbell rang. I looked at my sister.  
  
"So what should we do?" I asked. The air that had been turning blue suddenly cleared up.  
  
"Get the door. I look like myself." She said with a bit of acid around the edges. "Come in." she bellowed.  
  
I sat down in the La-Z-Boy, and turned the TV back on again. I broke away when I saw them come down the hall.  
  
"Hello, Past . . . " I began. I stopped myself. In this body, I shouldn't recognize Pastor Conner. We didn't even have a cover story. I furtively looked at my sister. Once again I was in her power. She held all the cards.  
  
"Welcome Pastor Conner." She said, putting honey on all of her words. She looked at me. "This is my cousin Wicca. She's keeping me company while my parents are in Europe."  
  
"Good. Pleased to meet you." he said, and smiled at me. He then looked back at my sister. "Your parents asked me to stop by and see how things are going. No fires going on, so everything must be fine."  
  
"Everything's fine." She said rather quickly.  
  
"Where is your brother." He asked.  
  
She blinked-what a good liar-and finally said, "He's up at the cabin."  
  
"Good." He said, and he made as if he were leaving. He looked back at me, and kept staring at me.  
  
"You know, Pastor, I have this question." My sister began.  
  
Now what is she doing?  
  
"A friend of mine saw this horror movie about how the devil possessed the body of a girl. Can that stuff happen? People taking over other people's bodies?"  
  
I have never Pastor Conner get so excited about something. His eyes really bugged out and he got excited as he began talking. "Those films are based on actual events, although they have been changed for dramatic effect in films and goriness. The problem with the films is that they encourage experimentation. Experimentation into bad things, such as the occult. Things we should not touch or taste."  
  
I looked at my sister. Where is she going with this?  
  
"So people can possess other peoples bodies?"  
  
"No. We are who we are, and cannot change." He said, with finality in his voice.  
  
So where was she going with these questions?  
  
"It's just that Wicca was asking about people turning into other things. Other bodies." She said, slowly with unusual accents in her voice.  
  
I felt my heart begin to pound. Did I get woman's emotions with my woman's body?  
  
Pastor Conner looked at me again. Or whom I now looked like. Does he recognize me as Katreena Hansen? Or is it something else? I mean, he is a man of God. Could he see who I really was, beneath these curves and beauty into my soul?  
  
I looked away, and then forced a painful smile. You see, I was just minding my own business just dropping off gas, and going to spend a week busy doing nothing. Heck, I was helping my sister out with the gas, when she decided to do this prank on me. In any case, I really hadn't of thought things out, such as a cover story, an identity, or what I should do to occupy time. After all, what would you do if you had turned into someone else for a week?  
  
"Yes, those type of movies focus on bad things. There is so much beauty and light in the world that we needn't not focus on the bad." He said, very slowly, as if other thoughts were really on his mind.  
  
I looked up at he, and then he quickly added, "Or focus on the obscene."  
  
So is he really a pervert? Is Pastor Connor one of those molester priests? Is he panting after me? Keep in mind that I look like Katreena Hansen, who is really one hot babe. Not a J-Lo or a Brittany, but she's up there. I really am not Katreena, and stares don't turn me on.  
  
Maybe this is why this happened to me: so I could learn that Pastor Connor is really a sexaholic. Should I call the police or the FBI? Well, not while her is here, though.  
  
VI  
  
Pastor Connor said goodbye and left. Thank the stars. I really don't like him, especially how he was staring at my brother. Sure he looks like a hottie now, but priest are supposed to be celibate, aren't they? Not to lust after the flesh and women. Right?  
  
Besides, since he is a pastor type person, he'd probably want to burn me at the stake, like his kind did at Salem. His "God of Love" is so intolerant of other people's fun. He should focus on the real evil in the world- bigotry, hatred, rapists and terrorism.  
  
I looked up at my brother, who was just staring at the floor. What can I do with him? I got him right where I want him, and he thinks he stuck for a week. And that's the humor of it! Sure I could change him back any time, but why should I? Besides, it's all in fun, and the stars know he'd do the same to me if he had the chance.  
  
"So you going to get busy doing something?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
I sighed. "Just get out and experience life like Pastor Connor said."  
  
He rolled his eyes. Keep in mind that he looked like Katreena Hansen, so it all looked really weird.  
  
"Well, I don't have any clothes." He said, and he held up a dainty foot, which had an oversized sandal. "My old clothes sag on me. Everything sags on me."  
  
"Come on." I said in almost a yell. It wasn't supposed to go like this. I should probably get Gloria here. He's kiss her oversized butt all day long if he could.  
  
We went upstairs to my room, and I sat him down on my bed and yanked a bunch of clothes out of the closet, and tossed them by him.  
  
"OK, take a pick of what you want. You have this green shirt, which goes well with your eyes. Or you could try this tee shirt with . . ."  
  
"I thought you said I could pick?"  
  
"Yeah. Pick away. Here is a sweater that goes with a skirt I have."  
  
"I'll take the tee shirt. 'Sex Pistols'? Is that a joke?"  
  
"Try it on. You need some jeans."  
  
I watched my brother slide on the shirt. He definitely needs a bra. I grabbed one of my sports bras. "Here. Use this."  
  
I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh as he squirmed around as he tried to put it on. "Here. Let me help." There.  
  
"This is weird."  
  
"It'll keep you from shaking everywhere. Now the shirt."  
  
Finally. I had him put on real underwear, cause the boys underwear he was wearing looked to weird. I know-I've tried it a couple of times.  
  
My brother looked in the mirror. "OK. Where do you want me to go? An don't say the mall."  
  
"Umm. Just go out. But your hear is weird."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
I sat him down in front of my vanity, and went to work on the hair. Finally, I had it just perfect.  
  
"OK. Now let me do your face."  
  
He rolled his eyes, and let out a sigh. "Don't tell me it takes her this long every day before she goes out."  
  
"Yup. Don't talk or you'll smear."  
  
He shut up (thank the stars!) and I was able to get his face just right.  
  
"Now you look perfect. Now we . . ."  
  
The phone rang. It was Sarah and she was panting. She needed a ride to Larsen City to get some hogwort and a new wand. She can be pathetic at times because she is so clingy. But she does have the drive to be a good witch. I should focus on her abilities. She's really good in some areas. But its just he pathetic streak in her that gets to me.  
  
I looked down at my brother and told him about Sarah's' new crisis.  
  
"So, um?"  
  
"I'll drop you off at the mall. Be sure to bring your wallet. You need to enjoy life now, and see things as another person."  
  
"But all of my ID's have my real body. Can you cast a spell for my new ID?"  
  
"Just use tour ATM, and pay in cash."  
  
"OK."  
  
"You're making this more difficult than it really is. I'm sorry the accident happened and I can't fix it until I get the new spell book. So we all need to make the best of it."  
  
His shoulders slouched, and he looked down. Slowly he looked up.  
  
"Shoes."  
  
I tossed him an extra pair of sandals, then walked out of the room. What a dong. I gave him this gift, and might I add this gift is an improvement on what he was, and now he is just all mopey. Maybe I should change him back now if he is going to get all suicidal about things.  
  
No. Let him suffer a bit. He really does need to learn a lesson.  
  
VII  
  
I clasped the seatbelt, and the chest strap kept on getting in the way of things. Maybe this is why God let this happen to me. Maybe to get another point of view on things. So, I guess it is just one thing to see long lines to the ladies rooms, but to actually experience the bladder bursting is another thing all together.  
  
I looked blankly out the window, keeping quiet all the time. I mean, what could I really say that hasn't already been said? It was an accident, and she can't fix me now. What should I really do while I look like Katreena Hansen? Maybe she is right. Maybe I really do need to experience things.  
  
So now that I have learned my lesson, what am I going to do for the next four days?  
  
"There you go. Have fun." My sister called out through the car window.  
  
I stepped out into the mall. I thought I said I didn't want to go to the mall.  
  
So what happens if I run into someone I recognize? Well, they won't recognize me, so that shouldn't be a problem.  
  
I walked up and down the mall, and looked in to the stores. Nordstrom's. Beachsands. Mervyn's. So now what?  
  
Victoria's Secret? No way! None of those "products" for me!  
  
I walked into "Curves and More," and poked around the dresses. To be honest, they all looked pretty much the same to me. I mean a dress is a dress, and unless the chick is a real dog, it'll look fine on her. Right? You know what I'm talking about.  
  
I took it off the rack, and found the changing room, and shut the door. There was a full-length mirror of to one side. So is it really true that these are two-way mirrors and someone is watching me? What if it is a guy?  
  
I slipped my pants off and lifted up the shirt. I unhooked the dress. Now how do you get into one of these dresses? I decided to go up through the bottom of the dress, since that seemed to work the best. Like a cocoon is slid down around my body, and I adjusted the straps to my shoulders.  
  
So there I am, looking like Katreena Hansen, and now I am in a dress. It looked good. So should I get it to make my sister happy?  
  
Stop! Stop! STOP!  
  
Stop and think about this-I'm going to change back in a couple of days. So what would I do with this dress after I've changed back? I'd be spending on my money on something that wouldn't last. I should focus on what is permanent!  
  
I think I got so caught up in the hysteria and emotion of the change that I wasn't thinking clearly. This is all just temporary, like a case of the flue. You cure the flue with bed-rest and OJ, not by surgery or suicide!  
  
There is a sweet relief that comes once your mind is freed. It is like being asleep and finally waking up and realizing that your nightmare is just a mere dream. This epiphany was perfect! I Think I am finally free from everything that was bothering me!  
  
I let out a long breath of relief, slid the dress off, and then quickly dressed.  
  
"This dress isn't me." I told the clerk, and then headed out the door.  
  
* * *  
  
I headed over to Krammer's Book Store. Now, when shopping the question is two fold-what to buy and what not to buy. Having seen almost every episode of "Behind the Music," I know what happens if you don't have a clue about budgeting. You have the entire bookstore in front of you with your only limit being your wallet. I had one hundred dollars in cash, and so what should I do???  
  
I looked over the magazines. So can anyone tell me why woman's magazines are 98% ads and 2% on how to have great sex? So is the essence of womanhood shopping and sex? Am I missing something? You know . . .  
  
Son of a gun!  
  
I looked down and saw a fanzine about Katreena Hansen! I picked it up, since I'm her "biggest fan." It would make a nice souvenir a few days from now.  
  
I wandered around again. I wonder what would have happened to my sister if she had gotten into books rather than magic, and no, spell books don't count. She wants power I guess, but nothing is more powerful than a good idea. You don't need eye of newt or cauldrons for a good idea, just the smarts and an ability to explain an idea. Thinking is certainly cheaper, and anyone with a brain can do it.  
  
But back to books. Psychology and Self Help.  
  
Self help? Which "me" do they want to help? The "Katreena" me, or the real me behind all of this paint and powder? I doubt any of these guys could help me out, anyways. Breast Cancer? I don't plan on staying long enough to catch it.  
  
A lot of maternity books, but I don't want to go there.  
  
Spirituality and Occult. A lot of books on the subject-I wonder if they are also after power, too? Sure are a lot of Bible here: Woman's Study Bible, Men's Study Bible, Study bible for Executives, Mechanics' study bible, Extreme Study bible for Goths.  
  
Plato. Everyone says he's brilliant, but I've never read him. Probably should. Nietzsche? How do you say the name? Probably a Pollock. Augustine. Aristotle. Aquinas.  
  
Hmm. Tarot books. I wonder what my future will be. I picked up a copy of one of the tarot books, and flipped through the pages. Cards with a lot of weird shapes and designs. I wonder how many cards there are in a deck.  
  
There has to be a type of mathematics beneath it all. That is probably why my sister is into it. It appeals to the math whiz in her.  
  
I decided to get the book, so I could be alerted to my sister's doings. Hopefully.  
  
More books. Spells and Potions. Wands of power. Here's a thought-there are so many do-it-yourself repair books, but you'd think that there would be as many do-it-yourself spell books. Magic books. Tobin's Spirit Guide.  
  
Wait a second.  
  
I looked back again at a book. It was in a plastic wrap that shined in the sun. NO, it can't be!  
  
I picked it up and examined it from every angel.  
  
It was the same spell book that my sister had.  
  
I reread the spine again just to make sure, and then ran to the cashier, with the fanzine and the Tarot book.  
  
"Is this all? Have you heard about our savers plus. . . ?"  
  
"Yes to both. I wouldn't be interested, thank you." I felt my female emotions rising again, making me very giddy.  
  
"Katreena Hansen. You've seen her new film 'Hearts of Age'?"  
  
I nodded. "People say I look like her."  
  
"You know, there is a resemblance. I . . ."  
  
Sorry to be so rude, but I'm in a hurry. I decided to call a taxi back home, since that would be quicker than waiting for a bus. No time could be lost!  
  
VIII  
  
I hate driving. My car's AC is broken, and since all of my money is going into the craft and clothes, I can't pay for a repair. Once I graduate and get that scholarship, I should have plenty of time to focus on witchcraft exclusively. Some one else paying my bills, plus Daddy's money, I'll finally be free.  
  
Sarah took so long picking out a wand. That is a bad since, since if you are good at magic, then the wand selection should come easily. In fact everything is a lot easier with witchcraft. In school, you have dry teachers and professors, tests or deadlines, and especially petty lab assistants on power trips. You are really free to be yourself and do your own thing when you study on your own.  
  
I pulled into the mall, and walked up and down looking for my brother. We should have agreed on a meeting place. No, I'm not going to alert security. I poked in and out of stores, but no success.  
  
Well, he probably went home, and took a nap. I just hope he didn't go snooping around my room and found my spell book. Normally he would go, but he is not himself. Ha-ha.  
  
I pulled into the driveway, and stepped in.  
  
I gasped.  
  
There he was in the center of the room in a thaumaturgic triangle, with candles at each point, and he was reading my book.  
  
"Did you go snooping?"  
  
"No. I found a copy of this book at the bookstore. But you have another copy, I take it."  
  
I let out a shriek. "Come on. It was just a joke. We always said we would change you back."  
  
"Do you have the picture?"  
  
I flexed my hands. I couldn't break the spell. My hands are tied right now. I guess I'll just get the picture and be done with this mess.  
  
IX  
  
I looked at my sister slowly going up the stairs. Is this the only language that she speaks-brute force? Or will she try something else, much worse? She is much better at magic so if it came down to a wizard's duel, she'd win. So the only thing I have is the justness of my cause and God's help. Plus I have the advantage of making the first move.  
  
She slowly came down the stairs and held the picture lamely in her hand. "Here you go, you turd. You are so Osama that you cannot even take an innocent joke. Besides, you could have learned some things as another person."  
  
I reached out for the picture, but she dropped it onto the candle.  
  
I panicked, and then frantically grabbed the paper and patted out the fire.  
  
"Darn-you got it in time." She said offhandedly.  
  
A good third of the picture was charred, but the part with me in it was all right. So I am saveable, despite the fire.  
  
She crossed her arms, and harrumphed, "So are you going to cast your little spell?"  
  
"Yup." I said with a bit too much confidence. "Except that the spell calls for sheep's blood. Do you have any?"  
  
She snapped her head away. "I don't know. I may be out."  
  
I slammed the books hut and let out a scream. "You are being so difficult. The joke is over! Change me back!"  
  
She snorted. "You're always so mean to me. You need to be taught a lesson about being nice, and this proves it. It serves you right. I should leave you like this forever. You can reincarnate into your smelly old self when you die."  
  
How old is Katreena? 24? So I'd live for seventy years as her. How could I earn a living? Go to Hollywood and become her body double? What type of life is that?  
  
What can I do? I'm safe in the triangle, but I'm also stuck. And even if I stayed in here for four days, what would I do when my parents came back? We're stalemated. What to do?  
  
X  
  
I hit the doorbell again. There is definitely something wrong at their house. I pounded the door. "Hello! This is pastor Conner."  
  
I knocked again. The voices went quiet. Should I go in, or would they assume I was going to molest someone. I wish my secretary was here for a witness, but she could vouch for my stopping here to check up on the kids.  
  
I turned the door know and could not believe my eyes!  
  
Wicca was there in the center of a satanic triangle wrestling with her cousin. The scariest things were the candles on the floor. The girls were getting awful close.  
  
"Girls! Girls!" I shouted. I really couldn't grab the girls since one false step and you are in court for sexual harassment. So I grabbed Wicca's legs and started pulling.  
  
"Take that!" Wicca's cousin shouted, and threw a candle at her.  
  
"Girls! Girls! Stop fighting!"  
  
Wicca let out a sigh, and then went limp.  
  
They seemed to calm down. They looked fine, which is unusual, since girls don't fight according to the rules. The just claw and scrape and pull hair. Funny-Wicca seemed to be a puncher as opposed to a clawer. In any case, she knew how to punch correctly-you keep the thumb outside the fist, and hook the arm around, instead of pushing it outward.  
  
Wicca looked up at me. She had a very intense stare in her eyes, almost like she was possessed.  
  
"Pastor Conner, do you have any holy water?"  
  
I nodded. So she does have something evil in her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a thin vial. I have found it helpful to have holy water with me all the time. You never know when it would be helpful.  
  
"Bless me father-I have sinned."  
  
Her eyes flashed like a caged animal, or a cornered animal. She looked like she was borderline lunatic. There is definitely something evil in her.  
  
I unstopped the vial, and sprinkled the water three times. "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen."  
  
"Amen." she said, with her voice almost cracking. Then she fell on the floor and let out a scream.  
  
What should I describe first? The clothes ripping? Or the weird cinnamon- honey smell that filled the room? I think the most unusual thing was watching Wicca slowly transform into something else. She slowly changed into a teen-age boy.  
  
"I'll be damned." Is said in a near whisper.  
  
I've participated in several healings, hundreds of baptisms, and about thirty exorcisms, but this beats them all by a long shot.  
  
He sat up, and I recognized his face. The clothes he was wearing were all in rags. What was unusual was that the makeup was still on his face, but it was spread over a boy's contours. However, that was the least disturbing thing that I saw that day.  
  
"We can explain all of this." He said as he pulled the rags off of his body.  
  
XI  
  
Well, it wasn't much of an explanation. But who would believe me? Come on, you probably don't even believe this story is true.  
  
"I'll keep all of this quiet. Quite quiet." Pastor Connor said. Then he looked around the room. "This witchcraft must stop. 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.' You see the problems that happen when you dabble with those dark powers."  
  
He gave the room another look over, and then looked back at my sister. "I have a question. If witchcraft is so powerful, why don't the witches help humanity? To help turn deserts into lively fields, and so forth."  
  
She looked at him with that annoying squint of hers and then slowly said. "Why doesn't your crucified god do the same, or has he lost his power?"  
  
"God changes men, and changed men change the world. Where do you think Gandhi and Martin Luther King got their ideas and ideals from?"  
  
Pastor Connor rubbed his eyes as he was leaving, and said something under his breath.  
  
So that is the end of that. As I said, my sister is a witch, with both meanings of the word-a spellbinder and a vixen.  
  
You may be asking myself if I ever did anything to get back at her. You of course recall that I have a copy of the spell book, which gave me an edge up on her. The first thing I did was to study the section on defenses to protect my room and myself. I had to get a really painful tattoo on my can, but it is worth it.  
  
Then I put a heptagram on the floor-that's a seven pointed star-and placed candles at each point. I let three drops of blood at each candle. Yes, it hurt. I then put the picture of her in the center of the candle and began to recite the spell and pictured it in my mind. "Let her be it." "Let her be it." "Let her be it." POOF! 


End file.
